So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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