i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
