i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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