Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
