I accidentally burped into my bong.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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