is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
