Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
