Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
