The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
