But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
