This is not my ceiling
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize