I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
