She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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