My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
