And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
