Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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