i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
