I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
