Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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