Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
