its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
