??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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