I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
