I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
