I heard we made out
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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