I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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