is your mom at the bar?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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