yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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