took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
