dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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