i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
