I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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