He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
