And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
