Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
