I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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