i need an iv and a liver transplant
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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