I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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