so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
