could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
