so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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