Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
