JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
