I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
