once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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