She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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