I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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