God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
