I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
