that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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