She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize