there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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