Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
