I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
