I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
