Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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