You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
