She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
