could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
