Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
