Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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