somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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