I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
