it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
