I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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