Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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