i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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