My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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