once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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