I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize