bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
