i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
