so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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