Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
