I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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